I searched the face of God in 1984.
Ted Ketterling, my pastor in Oklahoma City, held a study in his home that summer and my husband and I attended. Ted suggested that we begin to ask God questions we had and to keep a journal of those questions so that we would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God did indeed answer our questions to Him. It was known to us that we could expect the Lord God, the Heavenly Father, to answer the questions because each of us had taken the Gift He offered, a Gift which opened the relationship with God.
That priceless gift is Jesus Christ, God's obedient Son who left behind everything He was and had in Heaven to become a man on earth in order to fulfill God's plan to bring us to Himself in an intimate relationship with Him. It was God's idea. It was God's heart of love, not man's. Hinduism is man's idea; Islam is man's idea; Buddism is man's idea. God's idea overrides those of man's in that there is pure and unadulterated Authority with God, the Supreme Being who created the Universe. The Isms comprise of man's doing the right thing to obtain rightness with himself, others, the world and God. Jesus Christ is God's doing the right thing so that we can obtain rightness with ourselves, others, the world and God. Indeed God's act and Jesus' obedience were profoundly, universe-shatteringly intentional and miraculous for mankind. God offered man- you and me- the gift of His Son who would grow up and become the offense against the Perfect Father in Heaven. Jesus would not only become the offense, but He would simultaneously pay for the offense against God-a debt that must be paid due to God's Purity, Holiness, Justice, and Mercy. God's love for us was the motivation behind His plan. He made us for Himself, to love us, to hang back with us as the young generation calls it.
Our souls have need to know God and be with Him, just as a baby needs to know its family or lover needs to be with the beloved. So it is with God. He fixed the path to Himself, a freedom to openly and peacefully come before His eternal and magnificent presence without shame, guilt and without owing Him anything except our faith in His Gift. So that is how I came to take the Gift God offered me, and that is why I could expect God to answer my questions.
In 1984 I asked God how I could be closer to Him.
In the middle of the night some days later a brilliant and blinding light startled me awake. Thinking my husband had turned on the light, I turned to him to ask why he'd done that, but in a mysterious wonder I saw he was fast asleep in the darkness of the night. The blinding light shown only on me. Surprised, I turned my head back towards the blinding light above me wondering how it was that the brillance flooded only me and not the whole room as a lamp would. When I lifted my face up towards the source, the brillance of God's face shown upon me with Angels standing tightly together on either side of God with their faces reflecting the brilliance from God's face. I could not discern God's facial features because His perfection, His power and His majestic presence were more than the physical world and my physical eyes could register. Instantly and automatically I raised my arms toward God's face to worship and adore Him with my whole being and voice. The angels flanked each of my extended arms and God's face was just at my fingertips. Adoringly and joyously I asked, "Oh, God what may I do to have you always with me like this?" The True King of Kings answered me with love in His voice and pleasure of being with me in His Heart, "Mary, when you come to me with the faith as small as a mustard seed and extend your arms towards me like you are now, I will be with you exactly as I am now even though you will not see it as you do now." His shekhinah glory, His inhabiting and dwelling with me remained with me a few more minutes and then the room returned to its natural state of moonlit darkness.
God WANTED me to know how I could be close to Him. His answer was that He loved me, adored me, was pleased with me, delighted to be with me and wanted ME to know that He did because I had asked.
So ask God your questions and write them down along with His answers. But first believe that He gives His Gift of Jesus to you because He loves you so much He has taken care of the obstacles between you. Open your heart to His Present and begin to live in His Presence.
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